Post 006: The Power of Forgiveness

I honour and appreciate the caterpillar within me and give it permission to stop being a caterpillar.


In previous posts I have made references to AfrikaBurn (Africa’s regional Burning Man event).  For those of you who are not familiar with it, it’s hard to describe, but I’ll give it my best shot: it’s seven days in the harsh climate of the desert of the Tankwa Karoo where you practice radical self-reliance.  Artists spend months building beautiful giant artworks to be burnt in ceremony.  The community operates on a gifting economy which results in you experiencing the best elements of human nature – you see the true human potential – you see that when money, power, hierarchy and authority are removed, we revert to our true natural selves as kind, generous, nurturing, empathetic beings who can thrive in an economy of abundant love.  For some, AfrikaBurn is a seven day party; but for many, AfrikaBurn is a spiritual experience.

Before attending my first “Burn” I had heard from many people about the life-changing experience that AfrikaBurn is.  I always thought of these people as hippies who over-exaggerate; but when my friend invited me, I decided to keep an open-mind.  My friend is a firm believer that the “Burn” will deliver whatever your spirit needs at the time; and boy did the “Burn” deliver for me.

My first “Burn” played an integral role in my healing process after my divorce.  By that stage I had accepted the end of my marriage; was actively focussing on rebuilding my life; and was getting to know my true self.  But still, there were two critical pieces missing in the puzzle that would let my inner Phoenix soar.  AfrikaBurn provided me with one of those two pieces.

I camped with a group of eight other people.  Prior to the “Burn” I only knew one person in the group, all the rest were strangers to me.  If you had to ask any of the “strangers” before the “Burn” what kind of person I was, they would probably have said that I was invisible, a mouse, quiet, shy etc.  Somehow during those seven days, I transformed and found my voice.  During the “Burn” the group stayed together and we looked out for each other as good people should – we would constantly check-in with each other to make sure we were all ok.  Whenever someone checked-in with me, my answer was “I’m fine”; always, consistently, predictably “I’m fine”.  But, something changed on the fifth day, when I was asked how I’m doing my response was “I’M FABULOUS!”

So what had changed?  It’s difficult to say how the desert influenced me.  So much had happened over the preceding four days.  So many experiences that on some level or another pushed me a little or a lot out of my comfort zone.  The “Burn” offers a safe environment to push boundaries and let go of fear.  By day five, I was ready to let go of the most important thing stopping me from moving forward in my life.  I got on my bicycle and rode out into the desert; far, far away till Tankwa Town seemed like a dot on the horizon; and I sat in the desert in complete silence, at one with nature and the universe; and let go.   I let go of the hurt.  I let go of the anger.  I let go of the betrayal.  I let go of all the burdens associated with my failed marriage and buried them deep in that desert.  I forgave!

I left that spot feeling 100 tons lighter.  For the first time, my primary focus was not hoping he’d regret his decision, hoping he’d be miserable with his new wife; hoping he would beg me to come back and I could reject him.  For the first time, I let go and genuinely hoped that he found happiness wherever his path may lead; but more importantly, by doing that I opened the pathway to my own true happiness.

One of the highlights of AfrikaBurn is the Silent Burn.  Each night various artworks are burnt to cinder with great ceremony and awe; but on the Saturday night one burn is reserved for a very special spiritual event; the Silent Burn.  Here the central artwork for the year is burnt in complete silence.  Imagine the experience of 10,000 people watching a magnificent, imposing artwork burn in complete silence; and all you hear is the crackling of the fire and dismantling of the carefully carved wood.  In 2015 the artwork for the silent burn was a set of majestic butterfly wings called “Metamorphosis”.  It was such an aptly named artwork celebrating my very experience over the past days: my metamorphosis from “Fine” to “Fabulous”.

Who looks outside, dreams;

who looks inside, awakes.



I wish I could tell you that bouncing back from heartache is as simple as it seems in this post, but obviously it’s not.  Elevating my life involved being brave enough to look inward, reflecting on the deep, hidden parts of me that can be hard to look at.  But doing this allowed me to shine a light on my shadows and, more significantly, see the parts of me that make me truly extraordinary. This introspection was made much easier with an incredible tool called the Enneagram.

The Enneagram is a personality profiling system that focuses on our pathways to healing and wholeness.  Understanding my Enneagram archetype not only helped me to understand why I am the way I am, but also gave me a roadmap to healing my heart and building resilience and courage.

The path to healing is complex and very different for each one of us.  The Enneagram helps us to take the keys to happiness and implement them in a way that is tailored to our individual journeys.

Today, I invite you to take that first step to healing your heart by taking our FREE mini-Enneagram assessment.

“A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.



Complete this five-minute assessment and receive your personalized Heartbreak to Wholeness Roadmap based on your specific core personality motivations.  The roadmap gives you a blueprint to wholeness focusing specifically on the 5 Keys to Happiness, with simple practical suggestions on how to take the first steps to your extraordinary life.


Alexandra helps ordinary women live extraordinary lives of freedom, meaning, and happiness.  If you want to heal from heartbreak, build courage and resilience, be holistically well in mind, heart and soul, and live a life of purpose, meaning and joy, then she is here to help you.

As the founder of The Flying Phoenix, she assists and supports women to use their heartbreak as a catalyst for a breakthrough and create the extraordinary life of freedom, meaning, and happiness, they desire and deserve.


I would love to hear from you.  What has your experience been with this topic?  Do you have some tips or strategies in addition to the one’s mentioned above?  Maybe you have a burning question?  Perhaps you have the solution to someone else’s question.

The best growth and learning comes from engagement and sharing, please comment below and share your thoughts, questions and personal experiences.


Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Light your Phoenix Fire


6-Day Group Journey starting February 5, 2024
How will you be paying?